More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"I’m such an alcoholic that I go to church just for communion."
"His name is Randy Randy. Or maybe it’s Randy Randy. I always get his first and last names mixed up."
"It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food."
"I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China!"
"When anybody honks at me in traffic, I blush, wave, and shout, “Thanks for being a fan.” Being a celebrity is a 24/7 thing."