More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"I’m such an alcoholic that I go to church just for communion."
"She asked if I wanted to spoon with her, and I told her I didn’t want to stir things up."
"I just recently figured out how mirrors work. Pretty cool. That guy always hungrily staring at my naked body was me!"
"There’s nothing funny about war. Well, aside from this joke Orafoura told me: What did WWI say to WWII? I wish I could tell you the punch line, but the restaurant was so noisy that I didn’t hear it. But I laughed anyway, because I’ll bet it was pretty funny."
"Any lustful fool can love a million women, but only a real man can love one woman cloned a million times."