More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"There’s nothing funny about war. Well, aside from this joke Orafoura told me: What did WWI say to WWII? I wish I could tell you the punch line, but the restaurant was so noisy that I didn’t hear it. But I laughed anyway, because I’ll bet it was pretty funny."
"The way I wrestle five-year-olds makes me think if I were ever attacked by a pack of midgets, I’d be OK."
"On the night of the murder I was at home, asleep. The characters in my dream can vouch for me."
"I just recently figured out how mirrors work. Pretty cool. That guy always hungrily staring at my naked body was me!"
"Question for your life: If Socrates had a clone, would he advise that clone to know thy self, or to know myself, with myself in this case being himself?"