More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"The way I wrestle five-year-olds makes me think if I were ever attacked by a pack of midgets, I’d be OK."
"Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers."
"I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. No, I’ve been feeling like my clone."
"The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn’t around to propose to her."
"I called an insurance company to get a quote. They gave me one of Oscar Wilde’s best."