More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. No, I’ve been feeling like my clone."
"I like to vote, but not be voted on. I don’t mind losing one on one, but to lose through a vote means the majority think I’m a loser."
"I got a new car. I just need to put it together. They’re easier to steal piece by piece."
"If you tell me I look like someone you know, I might get panicked and think you’re on to me. I thought nobody saw me abduct that guy and steal his identity."
"I’m such an alcoholic that I go to church just for communion."