On your birthday you should throw me a party. This is my adv... - Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"You’re used to being the smartest guy in the room. Solitary confinement will do that."

"Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers."

"If you tell me I look like someone you know, I might get panicked and think you’re on to me. I thought nobody saw me abduct that guy and steal his identity."

"I feel like I could be the best, but I’m not going to openly admit that. At least not to any of my clones."

"I’m very close to my dad. He’s about six inches away right now and snoring in my ears."