If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, i... - Steven Wright

"I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died."

"What happens if you get scared half to death twice?"

"You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time."

"I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize."

"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done."