More quotes by Steven Wright

"It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself."
"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."
"When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane."
"Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?"
"I have a hobby. I have the world’s largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you’ve seen some of it."