More quotes by Steven Wright

"If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?"
"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done."
"I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died."
"If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny."
"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."