If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land... - Steven Wright
"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"
"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"
"In a lot of ways, success is much harder than I thought it would be. I figured that you'd get here and then everything would be happily ever after. But, it's hard work, almost harder once you're successful because you've got to maintain it."
"Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before."
"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done."
"Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark."
"I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."