If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land... - Steven Wright

"I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time"so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance."

"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."

"When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing."

"If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you."

"I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time."