More quotes by Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

"I used to date the lead singer of The Cranberries, but she cheated on me. Turns out she had some turkey on the side."
"With all the money my uncle embezzled over the years, it's no surprise he lives in a gated community. But what is amazing, however, is that he somehow managed to get his own cell."
"In high school I got voted most likely to get voted for something. Even though I was the only one who voted, it still felt terrific being nominated."
"To me, beer tastes like piss. Maybe that's why I only enjoy it in the shower with my uncle."
"When a girl says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask if that includes dental insurance."