More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"I called an insurance company to get a quote. They gave me one of Oscar Wilde’s best."
"Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers."
"The way I wrestle five-year-olds makes me think if I were ever attacked by a pack of midgets, I’d be OK."
"I am my own clone. I’m not who I was yesterday, but then again I am."
"I want to hire someone to stand outside my door and knock three times, with each knock being three years apart. At the end of the nine years I’ll reply, “Who is it?” And without delay or reply, the person on the other side of the door is to find a new job."