"I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning."
"I used to date the lead singer of The Cranberries, but she cheated on me. Turns out she had some turkey on the side."
"I will never buy a fish tank, because I don't believe in supporting the funding of aquatic war machines."
"If flowers were boogers, I'd pick a few big ones and flick them on your grave."
"I used to date the lead singer of The Cranberries, but she cheated on me. Turns out she had some turkey on the side."
"I saw this beautiful girl the other day. She had an ass behind her that seemed to go on for days. In fact, I’m still going on about her."