More quotes by Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

"I used to date the lead singer of The Cranberries, but she cheated on me. Turns out she had some turkey on the side."
"If girlfriends were knees, I'd love to have both of mine replaced. That way, it'd be easier to run around on them."
"When a girl says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask if that includes dental insurance."
"With all the money my uncle embezzled over the years, it's no surprise he lives in a gated community. But what is amazing, however, is that he somehow managed to get his own cell."
"I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning."