More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I have two friends, Steve and Martin. But I'd happily replace both for the friendship of Steve Martin."
"How do new watches catch up with old watches that have had more time to get a head start? This is what I pondered while I waited on her to fall in love with me."
"Her love was too cold, like an anti-oven. That's called a freezer, and sometimes it burns food. She gave me heartburn, just like coffee, and it really woke me up to the reality of relationships."
"You know who’s not money? @JManziel2. Quarterbacks should stay in the pocket, because that’s where the money is. Ask any politician."
"I’d fight for your love like I’m Tyler Durden. I want you to hit on me as hard as you can."