I need a Caution: Slippery When Wet sign, because I just spi... - Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

"When push comes to shove, I’m going to figure out that this door needs to be pulled to be opened."

"I bought you a gift. It’s something I’ve always wanted, but I’m not quite sure you’ll like it. So if you don’t want it just tell me and I’ll be happy to keep it. After all, I’m only interested in making you happy."

"Sometimes I ask God what I did to deserve her love. I maintain my innocence, and of all the forms of God’s wrath from plagues, pestilence, and famine, her love is by far the cruelest."

"I’m on a government watch list. But I’m not interested, because government watches only work twenty minutes out of every hour."

"You just tell me when and where, and not only will I not be there, but I’ll also be late."