"I ordered a beer and then I ordered another beer, because why finish one when I can finish two? Having only one is great for love, but bad for beer."
"I think I’m mouth blind and that’s why all food tastes bland. The only things that have any flavor are the words I love you."
"When I die, remember to remove my body from the cooler before you start making the hunch punch. But by all means, do get drunk on my memory."
"We made love like flamingoes are pink. You know what else was pink? My cheeks, because I was so embarrassed when I found out that she was the wrong woman."
"He rose like heroes, and I rose like rows of red roses. Love grows wherever you plant it, so I try to farm it wherever I go."
"She brews a bruise on my heart, and drinks it like a beer. She calls it love, but she would, because she’s drunk on my torment."