I peed on the floor to get hired. Now I’m the janitor. - Jarod Kintz, The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

"My love is like the shape your mouth makes while you whistle. Would you mind if I accompanied you on my harmonica?"

"We rode the merry-go-round like a couple of lovers. We weren’t though; we were just two horse enthusiasts from two different worlds (I think she was from Mars)."

"The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me."

"The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me."

"He had a new girl, and I told him she looked like Marilyn Monroe. He smiled because he thought I meant she was beautiful, and I smiled because I meant she looked like a corpse."