I peed on the floor to get hired. Now I’m the janitor. - Jarod Kintz, The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

"When the clock reads 3:00, I don’t call it three o’clock, I call it three hundred, and I remember the Spartans. At 3:01, however, I remember what I was doing at 2:59, and I get back to it."

"There is until there isn’t. That’s just the way it is. Until it isn’t."

"There’s truth and honor in a mustache. And that’s why I started flying one on the flagpole outside of my house."

"The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me."

"On savings: A dollar here, a dollar there. Over time, it adds up to two dollars."