"We rode the merry-go-round like a couple of lovers. We weren’t though; we were just two horse enthusiasts from two different worlds (I think she was from Mars)."
"Kevin Love has a last name that sums up my feelings for you. But then again, so does Renaldo Letsfucktonight."
"He had a new girl, and I told him she looked like Marilyn Monroe. He smiled because he thought I meant she was beautiful, and I smiled because I meant she looked like a corpse."
"My love is like the shape your mouth makes while you whistle. Would you mind if I accompanied you on my harmonica?"
"On savings: A dollar here, a dollar there. Over time, it adds up to two dollars."
"Love knows no boundaries. I wish I would have known that before I hired a cartographer to map out my romantic territory."