More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"Reading makes you ready for the world. A man who doesn’t read is a man who is easily deceived. You must find that man and make him sign a contract, and you must do it before Satan does. Trust me, the profits are HUGE!"
"A little part of me dies every time I try to commit suicide. If life is a buffet, I’m still in the mac and cheese phase. Maybe one day I’ll mature into more of a meatloaf kind of guy."
"You don’t need to have a fight before great sex. I can keep my cool and still bring the heat every time."
"Vodka in the shape of a human body would be an excellent dancing partner. I'm a bring my own chaser kind of lover."
"A can’t in a can—it’s carbonated failure that’s ready to drink. It tastes like the back half of love."