Vodka in the shape of a human body would be an excellent dan... - Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"Half-assing it twice isn’t giving it 100%, but both can be yours for the one-time low-price of half off. Also on SALE now: My love. Order yours today."

"If I told you I’ve worked hard to get where I’m at, I’d be lying, because I have no idea where I am right now."

"Let’s do a 50-50 deal, with me getting 75% of the profits, and you getting the other half. That’s how we can both get the most value out of a relationship."

"He said he wanted to trade lives with me, saying he wanted what I have. He must want for nothing, because that’s exactly what I have."

"I sympathize with a mother who has three mouths to feed—especially if two of those mouths are on her face. With a woman like that I’d listen twice as hard for doublespeak. I’m pretty accustomed to picking up on political rhetoric."