Vodka in the shape of a human body would be an excellent dan... - Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"There are two typos of people in this world: those who can edit, and those who can't."

"At the potluck, I brought two dishes: knowledge and mashed potatoes and gravy. Guess which one got cleaned out and which one hardly got touched."

"It’s 4:00 in the afternoon and I’m just now putting on clothes. The life of a writer is as free as the pizza I just had delivered is not."

"I make furniture that can be used as weapons. The most dangerous piece of furniture is the Loveseat."

"My love for you grows daily, and all it takes is exposure to your sunny disposition, coupled with watering it with coffee."