I sell Ziploc bags. They’re not empty—they’re full of hope. - Jarod Kintz, A Zebra is the Piano of the Animal Kingdom

"I carry a shower curtain folded up neatly in my wallet, because you never know when you’ll never know."

"How many seconds does it take to win second? As many as it takes to win first—if you don’t use them properly."

"Every man has a soul, but will every man’s clone have a soul? No, because me and some scientists will have sucked them out in the lab. Why sell your soul to the devil, when you can sell your clone’s soul?"

"A leap of faith doesn’t involve leg strength. Still, I can’t take any chances, so I’ve been doing squats."

"Just because I flap my arms, that doesn’t make me a bird. No, I’m a bird because I believe myself to be. That’s the power of faith."