Jarod Kintz, A Zebra is the Piano of the Animal Kingdom

"A leap of faith doesn’t involve leg strength. Still, I can’t take any chances, so I’ve been doing squats."

"Every man has a soul, but will every man’s clone have a soul? No, because me and some scientists will have sucked them out in the lab. Why sell your soul to the devil, when you can sell your clone’s soul?"

"When I’m feeling down, I make myself a big bowl of Up Soup. The bowl only looks empty, but in reality it’s full of hope. Grab a spoon, there’s plenty for both of us."

"How many seconds does it take to win second? As many as it takes to win first—if you don’t use them properly."

"I’m more terrified of failure than rejection—so I’ll no my way to YES!"

"I sell Ziploc bags. They’re not empty—they’re full of hope."

"Just because I flap my arms, that doesn’t make me a bird. No, I’m a bird because I believe myself to be. That’s the power of faith."

"Sometimes looking like you know is better than actually knowing. People respect you, and defer to you, yet you don’t have the burden that comes with heavy knowledge."

"How many seconds does it take to win second? As many as it takes to win first—if you don’t use them properly."

"I carry a shower curtain folded up neatly in my wallet, because you never know when you’ll never know."

"Empty packets of hot sauce remind me of the love I used to have for her. Now all I’m left with is this yummy taco."