Empty packets of hot sauce remind me of the love I used to h... - Jarod Kintz, A Zebra is the Piano of the Animal Kingdom

"Every man has a soul, but will every man’s clone have a soul? No, because me and some scientists will have sucked them out in the lab. Why sell your soul to the devil, when you can sell your clone’s soul?"

"Sometimes looking like you know is better than actually knowing. People respect you, and defer to you, yet you don’t have the burden that comes with heavy knowledge."

"A leap of faith doesn’t involve leg strength. Still, I can’t take any chances, so I’ve been doing squats."

"How many seconds does it take to win second? As many as it takes to win first—if you don’t use them properly."

"I’m more terrified of failure than rejection—so I’ll no my way to YES!"