"I spray-paint my underwear gold, because it makes me feel like a winner. When two people are in love, one is always in second place."
"A coffin would make a great suitcase. If I folded it neatly, I’ll bet I could pack in all my love for you."
"Love is like learning to ride a midget, which I’ve never done because I’m afraid of heights."
"To become one who believes two become one, you need love in your life."
"The difference between a karate chop and a high five is the same as the difference between a knife and a paddle. My love can slice like a piece of pizza."
"Love is like whoa! Actually, it's closer to woe."