I type on my keyboard like I’m Beethoven on the piano. My wo... - Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"A tree with red leaves is like an old man with gray hair. Likewise, my love for you was blue, but now it’s orange, and that’s a compliment."

"I believe the way to master my destiny is to serve others. If I raise up others, am I not also raised up?"

"With eyes closed, a kiss is genderless. Now that mustaches are in fashion, some women are finding more hipster love."

"People don’t buy products—they buy people. It’s called slavery. I mean networking. It’s called networking."

"It’s been said that men think only about sex and food. And some men, like my uncle Lester, think about sex with food. Needless to say the church has ordered him to cease bringing his own food to the potlucks."