I used to date the lead singer of The Cranberries, but she c... - Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

"I used to date the lead singer of The Cranberries, but she cheated on me. Turns out she had some turkey on the side."

"If I promise you I'll show up fifteen minutes late, I'll always arrive on time."

"I think it would be neat to meet a man who slept with one eye open, especially if that man was a Cyclops."

"I used to date the lead singer of The Cranberries, but she cheated on me. Turns out she had some turkey on the side."

"When a girl says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask if that includes dental insurance."