More quotes by Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

"I always appear smarter when I dress up in my giant nipple costume. I know this because I'll overhear people say things like, 'At least he's not a complete boob."
"I love having a ceiling fan, although sometimes I wish he wouldn't cheer so loud when I'm trying to sleep."
"The mouth is made for communication, and nothing is more articulate than a kiss."
"I used to date the lead singer of The Cranberries, but she cheated on me. Turns out she had some turkey on the side."
"My advice for a person who's just fallen out of a skyscraper window is, Flap your arms...faster."