More quotes by Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

"If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people."
"I don't like customer service, because I don't believe the customer should have to pay and help out too."
"I'm so excited. I just bought a new file cabinet, some manila folders, some sticky note pads, and a few highlighters, and I think I'm finally ready to enter into organized crime."
"I like my relationships like I like my eggs. Over easy."
"To me, beer tastes like piss. Maybe that's why I only enjoy it in the shower with my uncle."