More quotes by Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

"I saw this beautiful girl the other day. She had an ass behind her that seemed to go on for days. In fact, I’m still going on about her."
"I used to date the lead singer of The Cranberries, but she cheated on me. Turns out she had some turkey on the side."
"The mouth is made for communication, and nothing is more articulate than a kiss."
"Yesterday I memorized Shakespeare, and tomorrow I'm also going to memorize his first name."
"With all the money my uncle embezzled over the years, it's no surprise he lives in a gated community. But what is amazing, however, is that he somehow managed to get his own cell."