"I used to think how lucky she was to have me, but now I realize that’s backwards. A spirit of gratitude yields patience, love, and forgiveness."
"What reading level is the word love? It’s a four-letter word everybody knows the meaning of, but nobody can define it."
"As an author, I like self-help, because clapping can be done by myself, for myself. I should buy gloves."
"I drink like a fish, and I swim in my thirst. I’m so parched for her love that I think I may drown in my desire."
"She said, “I’m having the stairs rebuilt,” and I replied, “No need to get sexual with me.” I’m a bring my own elevator kind of lover anyway."
"The referees made a questionable call. Still, I was ready with an answer and picked up on the first ring. That ring was an engagement ring, and I said yes."