More quotes by Jarod Kintz, I Want

"I want to be a naughty pirate, because when I put on that eye patch, it barely covers my genitals."
"I want to upholster the inside lining of my nostrils with leather, to have that "new car smell"all the time."
"I want to get the words "Courage"and "Bravery"tattooed across my back, so people could associate me with those things as they read them while they chase me."
"I want to end global hunger by feeding half the world’s starving people to the other half."
"I want to write a book called, "Bonfires and Bras,"which follows around a young, braless feminist who struggles to adopt in air conditioned rooms, as her hardened nipples cause her excess embarrassment."