I want to be strapped to a table, while a family of chickens... - Jarod Kintz, I Want

"I want to write a book so long that it will take the average person their whole life to read. It will be exactly the same length as the Bible."

"I want to meet a guy named Art. I'd take him to a museum, hang him on the wall, criticize him, and leave."

"I want to merge a Phoenix with a Camel to create the world's first everlasting cigarette. It'll be a cigarette that rises from its own ashes, so you can keep smoking it indefinitely."

"I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my funeral."

"I want to spend less time talking about myself, and more time listening to what other people have to say about me."