I want to lose weight by eating nothing but moon pies, which... - Jarod Kintz, I Want

"I want to be a cowboy, but only long enough to barge into a saloon and bellow, "Who's the yellowbelly that stole my happy trail?"

"I want to write a book about shoes that’s full of footnotes."

"I like to spoon after I fork."

"I want to create a seventeen-syllable word that encompasses the human condition, and then use that word to form the world’s most perfect haiku."

"I want to be a naughty pirate, because when I put on that eye patch, it barely covers my genitals."