More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"On the night of the murder I was at home, asleep. The characters in my dream can vouch for me."
"I smiled, and you winked. I think. Perhaps you merely blink with one eye at a time."
"When anybody honks at me in traffic, I blush, wave, and shout, “Thanks for being a fan.” Being a celebrity is a 24/7 thing."
"I called an insurance company to get a quote. They gave me one of Oscar Wilde’s best."
"Any lustful fool can love a million women, but only a real man can love one woman cloned a million times."