More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"There’s nothing funny about war. Well, aside from this joke Orafoura told me: What did WWI say to WWII? I wish I could tell you the punch line, but the restaurant was so noisy that I didn’t hear it. But I laughed anyway, because I’ll bet it was pretty funny."
"The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn’t around to propose to her."
"I was going to change my clothes, but I changed my mind instead."
"I smiled, and you winked. I think. Perhaps you merely blink with one eye at a time."
"I want to own a wind farm. Don’t breathe, or you’ll undermine the price of my crop."