"I wouldn’t feel great if you left me alone, but I wouldn’t feel bad either. I’d feel good, like I always do, which has nothing to do with you, even if you’ll have nothing to do with me."
"I’m addicted to warm Thanksgiving bird meat, but I should just quit cold turkey. To me, the beginning of December is like leftover November."
"Everything I’ve learned about handshakes is from hands-on experience. Due to hygiene, I only network with rubber glove manufacturers."
"Just when you thought you’d considered all the angles, life goes from a square to a cube. Love should also be 3D."
"Be memorable. Say something unforgettable. Be silent."
"I make love like I make coffee. Tuesdays and Thursdays I offer free refills."