"My father sacrificed his life for our family when I was growing up. He was one of the bravest, wisest, and most unselfish goats I have ever known, and I will miss his cheese dearly."
"I often fantasize about torturing some of the lazier letters of the alphabet, like C, U, and E, because together they only manage to accomplish as much as the solitary letter Q."
"I think it would be neat to meet a man who slept with one eye open, especially if that man was a Cyclops."
"I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning."
"If girlfriends were knees, I'd love to have both of mine replaced. That way, it'd be easier to run around on them."
"When a girl says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask if that includes dental insurance."