More quotes by Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

"I like my relationships like I like my eggs. Over easy."
"My advice for a person who's just fallen out of a skyscraper window is, Flap your arms...faster."
"I always appear smarter when I dress up in my giant nipple costume. I know this because I'll overhear people say things like, 'At least he's not a complete boob."
"When a girl says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask if that includes dental insurance."
"To me, the perfect date consists of dinner, dancing, and sex with a girl who has no stomach or legs, but does have an overactive sex drive."