More quotes by Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

"I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning."
"My advice for a person who's just fallen out of a skyscraper window is, Flap your arms...faster."
"I used to date the lead singer of The Cranberries, but she cheated on me. Turns out she had some turkey on the side."
"They say you fear what you don't understand. Maybe that's why every time I'm in South Florida, and I hear someone talking in Spanish, I always shit my pants."
"The mouth is made for communication, and nothing is more articulate than a kiss."