More quotes by Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

"I'm so excited. I just bought a new file cabinet, some manila folders, some sticky note pads, and a few highlighters, and I think I'm finally ready to enter into organized crime."
"Just to show my dad that I think he's number one, I bought him a urinal cake for his birthday."
"My father sacrificed his life for our family when I was growing up. He was one of the bravest, wisest, and most unselfish goats I have ever known, and I will miss his cheese dearly."
"I like my relationships like I like my eggs. Over easy."
"This morning my girlfriend was so loud in bed that we woke up the neighbors. So I told them to roll over and go back to sleep."