"I wrote a thesis on love, and I wrote it in lipstick. Of course, I also got blood on the paper, because the lipstick was still attached to her cheating lips."
"A can’t in a can—it’s carbonated failure that’s ready to drink. It tastes like the back half of love."
"Either I will love you, or I will love you if and only if you love me in return. I prefer the former."
"My cup is full of air. I should empty it and fill it with love. Or coffee, as the two are synonymous to me."
"The middle finger is a great body language tool for letting people know you’re upset. Poetry isn’t quite as effective in a fit of road rage."
"Quicksand is nature’s way of saying slow down. Me pushing you in quicksand is my way of saying be still and let me love you. Isn’t it funny how a lasso looks like a noose?"