I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s... - Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

"In the morning I brush my teeth with hope, and at night before bed I brush them with defeat. Both are mint flavored, so I try not to get them mixed up."

"Artists exist to show us the world. So do windows."

"You just tell me when and where, and not only will I not be there, but I’ll also be late."

"I removed all the doors to our love, so you can’t lock yourself away from me. But I didn’t stop there. I also replaced the doors with metal detectors, so I could fondle you more efficiently, like the highly trained professionals do who run airport security."

"The decision to empty my mind was a no-brainer."