More quotes by Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

"I think it would be neat to meet a man who slept with one eye open, especially if that man was a Cyclops."
"I saw this beautiful girl the other day. She had an ass behind her that seemed to go on for days. In fact, I’m still going on about her."
"I'm so excited. I just bought a new file cabinet, some manila folders, some sticky note pads, and a few highlighters, and I think I'm finally ready to enter into organized crime."
"Just to show my dad that I think he's number one, I bought him a urinal cake for his birthday."
"I love having a ceiling fan, although sometimes I wish he wouldn't cheer so loud when I'm trying to sleep."