"If writers write, then rangers range. And I’d like to wake up every morning and be a mother, so I could eat my own clothes."
"It’s been said that the most successful people are often early risers. So that’s why I started getting up in the afternoon, which is well before any “successful” person even thinks of going to bed."
"Moral codes are like the ocean. Some people live by them, while others, such as myself, would rather live by a lake."
"I love tables. And dancing. Oh, and I love table dancing, although Grandmother always says, "Wait until we're finished eating."
"There Are Two Typos Of People In This World: Those Who Can Edit And Those Who Can’t"
"I’m glad scrambled eggs don’t have lips, because when I’m grinning over a hearty breakfast, it would really freak me out to see my breakfast grinning back. I’ve eaten a man for less than that."