Jarod Kintz, There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

"I’ve always felt that the best place to hide a body is in the trunk of a cop car, with a note affixed to the body that reads, “I’m sorry."

"Moral codes are like the ocean. Some people live by them, while others, such as myself, would rather live by a lake."

"I have a real problem keeping friends. I'm always running out of space in my freezer."

"My close friends are fond of telling me that I put the “yalt” in loyalty. Well, I don’t know if I’d go that far with it, but yeah, I guess I am a pretty yalty person."

"Sometimes I wish Jim Morrison were still alive, because I'd love to see a concert in which "The Doors"opened up for "The Cars."

"I love tables. And dancing. Oh, and I love table dancing, although Grandmother always says, "Wait until we're finished eating."

"I don't want to work a 9-5 job, because 20 hours a day is just too much."

"I’ve often wondered why more science textbooks don’t tell teenagers that the only thing sharks like to eat more than fish, are dead prostitutes."

"I’m glad scrambled eggs don’t have lips, because when I’m grinning over a hearty breakfast, it would really freak me out to see my breakfast grinning back. I’ve eaten a man for less than that."

"I saw a bottle of conditioner the other day that said, "Family Size,"and I thought, That's odd, I didn't know too many families showered together."

"If writers write, then rangers range. And I’d like to wake up every morning and be a mother, so I could eat my own clothes."

"The only time I really think is when I smoke, and I quit smoking years ago."

"My parents always said that knowledge was the best gift they could give me, probably because they were too cheap to buy me Christmas or Birthday presents."

"I make art for one person and one person only. And as soon as I find that one person, I sure hope he has a lot of wall space, because he’ll be getting a lot of art from me."

"There Are Two Typos Of People In This World: Those Who Can Edit And Those Who Can’t"

"There Are Two Typos Of People In This World: Those Who Can Edit And Those Who Can’t"

"I saw a bottle of conditioner the other day that said, "Family Size,"and I thought, That's odd, I didn't know too many families showered together."

"The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg my friends to treat me that well."

"I’ve always felt that the best place to hide a body is in the trunk of a cop car, with a note affixed to the body that reads, “I’m sorry."

"My parents always said that knowledge was the best gift they could give me, probably because they were too cheap to buy me Christmas or Birthday presents."