"I saw a bottle of conditioner the other day that said, "Family Size,"and I thought, That's odd, I didn't know too many families showered together."
"The only time I really think is when I smoke, and I quit smoking years ago."
"I love tables. And dancing. Oh, and I love table dancing, although Grandmother always says, "Wait until we're finished eating."
"It’s been said that the most successful people are often early risers. So that’s why I started getting up in the afternoon, which is well before any “successful” person even thinks of going to bed."
"The only time I really think is when I smoke, and I quit smoking years ago."
"I’ve always felt that the best place to hide a body is in the trunk of a cop car, with a note affixed to the body that reads, “I’m sorry."