"I have a real problem keeping friends. I'm always running out of space in my freezer."
"My parents always said that knowledge was the best gift they could give me, probably because they were too cheap to buy me Christmas or Birthday presents."
"I want to protect innocent people from sin by locking them in cages, where the evil can't get to them."
"The only time I really think is when I smoke, and I quit smoking years ago."
"The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg my friends to treat me that well."
"And then he said the next time he sees me the gloves are coming off. I said, "Doc, that‘s no way to perform a prostrate exam."