If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adh... - Lemony Snicket, Horseradish

"Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator."

"Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something"

"Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess."

"If an optimist had his left arm chewed off by an alligator, he might say in a pleasant and hopeful voice, "Well this isn't too bad, I don't have a left arm anymore but at least nobody will ever ask me if I'm left-handed or right-handed,"but most of us would say something more along the lines of, "Aaaaaa! My arm! My arm!"

"A good library will never be too neat, or too dusty, because somebody will always be in it, taking books off the shelves and staying up late reading them."