"If you share your soup, I’ll share my wisdom. I brought a spoon, but did you bring a pen? How are you going to take notes, you fool!"
"I applied for your love like a recent MBA grad might apply at Walmart today. I grew a beard on my chest and laughed through my ass just to get your attention."
"I want to learn the language of the sun, and burn Agatha’s eyes out with my love poems."
"I believe the love shared between two people shouldn’t be secretly shared with a third. Not even if I am vacationing on the moon, and that third person is my clone."
"My advice to you: Just be yourself. That’s what I’m trying to do. So, can I borrow your clothes?"
"I could name my penis Steve, and it would be appropriate, as it is sort of shaped like my dad’s face, whose name is Steve. Not just his face, but his whole body and person is named Steve. And he’s a dick."