"Leave the cage open. If you love someone, give them a chance to leave. You can always lock them up again should they return to you."
"The sunset faded and blended from pink to peach to mango in a smoothie in the sky. For as long as she doesn’t love me, I will love her."
"I could name my penis Steve, and it would be appropriate, as it is sort of shaped like my dad’s face, whose name is Steve. Not just his face, but his whole body and person is named Steve. And he’s a dick."
"Love means never having to say you’re sorry for a minor stab wound."
"The only thing I could love more than you is two of you. And I suppose three."
"About adultery: Don’t go looking for pancakes when you have flapjacks at home."