If you tell me I look like someone you know, I might get pan... - Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"If you tell me I look like someone you know, I might get panicked and think you’re on to me. I thought nobody saw me abduct that guy and steal his identity."

"She asked if I wanted to spoon with her, and I told her I didn’t want to stir things up."

"Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers."

"I’m very close to my dad. He’s about six inches away right now and snoring in my ears."

"I am a master of logic and a powerfully convincing debater. In fact, against my better judgment, I can talk myself out of doing anything."