I’ll cut jewels in the shape of crumpled-up pieces of paper.... - Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"Older doesn't necessarily mean wiser. Some trees live to be hundreds of years old, and what the fuck do they know?"

"I knocked on her door twice. The second time was from the inside. That’s how love works. At first you want in, and then you want out."

"I’ll cut jewels in the shape of crumpled-up pieces of paper. Her wedding ring may look like my 33rd attempt at my marriage vows."

"The word very will vary in muchiness. I love you very much, and that won’t vary from day to day."

"Hard at work? I’ll give you a hand—my right hand. It’s a handshake, for networking and encouragement purposes. Keep it up!"