More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"When I was young, I was 13 going on 31. Then when I was 30 going on 31, I was 30 going on 29. Now I’m in love and I’ve lost all sense of time—and all the rest of my sense."
"I used to sell hellos by the wave until I found out Dark Jar Tin Zoo was reselling them on eBay as goodbyes. Now I’m a yawn distributor."
"2 out of 4 numbers prefer being in the bottom 50 percent. Half of all lovers also prefer being on the bottom."
"I once saw two endangered species about to have sex, but I had to put a stop to it because I suspected one of them of being a prostitute."
"You used to love me. Let me help jog your memory by buying you some running shoes. The shoes will be wooden, and nailed to the floor."