More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"If sharks really can smell blood, then I’d imagine they’re all salivating over my erection right now."
"The way I wrestle five-year-olds makes me think if I were ever attacked by a pack of midgets, I’d be OK."
"You’re disoriented. You just woke up. You’re in the future. You’ve been asleep for eight hours."
"I got a new car. I just need to put it together. They’re easier to steal piece by piece."
"I lost a little weight over the weekend. I cut my fingernails."