More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food."
"The way I wrestle five-year-olds makes me think if I were ever attacked by a pack of midgets, I’d be OK."
"I smiled, and you winked. I think. Perhaps you merely blink with one eye at a time."
"I’m a powerful being. I caused the night to turn into day. And I didn’t even try! I simply waited. I’ll bet I could even do it in my sleep."
"When anybody honks at me in traffic, I blush, wave, and shout, “Thanks for being a fan.” Being a celebrity is a 24/7 thing."